22 May 2011 – Amusements

Two philosophers were sitting at a restaurant, discussing whether or not there was a difference between misfortune and disaster.

“There is most certainly a difference,” said one. “If the cook suddenly died and we couldn’t have our dinner that would be a misfortune, but certainly not a disaster. On the other hand, if a cruise ship carrying all the members of Congress was to sink in the middle of the ocean, that would be a disaster, but by no stretch of the imagination would it be a misfortune.”

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A guy was driving through the South and, being hungry, he stopped at a roadside diner. Entering, he saw a sign advertising the special: “Fresh Venison.” The guy orders the special. After completing the meal, he sees the cook standing behind the counter and says, “My compliments to the chef. That was probably the most tender venison I have ever eaten!”

The cook looks at the man with a smile and replies, “Yep, an 18-wheeler will do that, won’t it?”

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A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become an auto mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%!

Fearing an error, he called the instructor.

“I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result,” the doc said, “but I wonder if there is an error in the grade.”

“During the exam,” the instructor said, “you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.”

After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it through the muffler, and I have never seen that done before.”

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