17 April 2011 – Amusements

In honour of today’s anniversary couple, the following are all vaguely related to marriage and/or married life.

Not long after their wedding, the newlyweds awoke early one morning. The couple had been up for quite a while before they met up in the kitchen. Marriage was agreeing with the husband, and he greeted his new wife with glee and excitation that morning.

“If you’ll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart,” said the newlywed bride, “breakfast will be ready.”

“Great! What are we having for breakfast?” he asked.

“Toast and juice,” replied the bride.

A woman calls the town psychiatrist and cries, “Doctor, you’ve got to come as soon as possible. My husband is in really bad shape!”

The shrink rushes over. The worried wife says, “Thank goodness you’re here, doctor. Just go down the hall. He’s in the last room on the right.”

The shrink goes in the room and sees the woman’s husband sitting on the edge of the bathtub, dangling a fishing line in the toilet. He goes back to the wife and says, “Yes, this is very serious. But why didn’t you call me sooner?”

“Who had time?” the wife asks. “I’ve been cleaning fish all week.”

Fred and Ethel were neighbours at the Senior Apartments, and had known each other for years.

One evening there was a community supper in a big activity centre. Fred and Ethel were seated across from each other and, as the meal went on, he made several advances and finally asked her, “Will you marry me?”

After brief consideration, she answered, “Yes, yes I will.” The meal ended with more pleasant exchanges and then they went to their respective homes.

But the next morning, Fred was troubled. Did she say “Yes” or did she say “No”? He couldn’t remember.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called Ethel.

“This is Fred,” he began, feeling a bit embarrassed. He explained that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he gained more courage and inquired, “When I asked you to marry me, did you say ‘yes’ or did you say ‘no’?”

He was delighted to hear her say, “Why I said yes, and I meant it with all my heart!”

Then, she continued, “And I’m so glad you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”