6 March 2011 – Amusements

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into  his small bowl. It is empty. “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He  looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, “How many times do we have to go through this with you idiots? It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch  the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the table, it was Momma Bear who  put the cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat’s water and food dish, and, now that you’ve decided to drag your sleepy heads downstairs, and grace Momma Bear’s kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I’m only going to say this one more time. I HAVEN’T MADE THE F**KING PORRIDGE YET!”


A man was checking into a hotel when he saw a golden retriever sitting on a rug near the hotel elevator. Talking to the man behind the desk, he asked, “Does your dog bite?” The attendant said, “No, he doesn’t.” But as the man let his hand down to pat the dog, it bit his hand and held on so tightly that the man had to throw him across the room.

Returning to the desk, the man said, “I thought you said that your dog didn’t bite.” He directed the attendant’s attention to the dog, who now had returned to the rug. The attendant simply answered, “My friend that is NOT my dog.”


Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement — not even her parent’s nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear, too, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

But a week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. “Absolutely not!” the witch (as Jennifer had come to call the girl who was not even quite as old as she was) said. “I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I will be wearing it to your wedding.”

Jennifer told her mother, who graciously said, “Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.”

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, “Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.”

“Of course I do, dear,” her mother replied, smiling. “I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.”