A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age.
The husband responded “When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a major decision.”
This is a variation on an old family favourite: Do you serve crabs here?
A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator. He asks the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes, we do!”
“Good. Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my alligator.”
A Doctor at a health conference said “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be destructive, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
After several seconds of silence, a 70-year-old man sitting in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”
Each morning Jake would drive down Sunset Blvd. on his way to work. For the past year a pretty hooker standing on the corner of Sunset gave him the eye as he passed. Of late, she took to showing him parts of what he would get if he stopped to pick her up. Jake was a good husband and family man and didn’t want to cheat on his wife. However, lately the hooker was looking so tempting, he could not get her out of his mind.
After spending many sleepless nights, he went to consult a psychiatrist. He told the psychiatrist she was driving him crazy, he was married 45 years, and did not want to cheat on his wife.”What should I do?” asked Jake.
The psychiatrist said, “Take Melrose Avenue.”